How Do I Have a Healthy Relationship With My Boyfriend?
Cupid, I really do love my boyfriend and we were in such a good place. Recently, we have been arguing but I don’t want to lose him. How do we get past those hurdles and have a healthy relationship? — Anonymous, U.K., sent via Cupid Mail
Thank you very much for your question! I feel your sincerity in wanting to make your relationship with your boyfriend more harmonious and stronger. I feel your overthinking and over worrying about it as well. But please don’t worry…
I sense that the path to strengthening your relationship with him is actually to strengthen your relationship with yourself first! It feels like it’s a chance for you to take leadership within your life and create your own source of happiness and independence.
That means, do something just for you and what makes you super happy and confident. I also feel that there is a creative pursuit that is waiting for you! Did you want to take a class or learn something new? It’s time for you to do that.
Even though focusing on yourself doesn’t seem directly related to your relationship, it is. When you focus on yourself, you will feel more creative and open, and it gives the relationship more freedom to breathe, flow, and change. Your boyfriend might become inspired by the way that you are growing and investing in yourself and that in turn will help improve the connection between you.
I feel that once you start focusing on something creative or something you love, you’ll detach from worrying and see your relationship from a higher place. From that place of openness and freedom, that would be the right time to talk to your boyfriend about the life you wanna create with him.
See how different it would feel to talk to someone from a place of worry and fear of losing them vs. from a place of joyful adventure and creative possibility? If you first do this for yourself, you will start to approach your relationships this way, too!
Here is an important question that you can reflect upon: what does your boyfriend represent to you? Is it safety and security? Is it love? Whatever you are seeking to receive from him, give it to yourself.
It is only by giving ourselves what we need will we feel at peace and also not push or require the other person to give it to us. That means, the relationship will experience more freedom and joy, and you are together because you wanna be, not because you are getting something from each other…
So, let go of your fear of losing him. Give yourself what you were wanting him to give to you. Try not to over think it. Nourish your own heart. If he’s meant to be in your life, he will be. Go within and love yourself. Be gentle with yourself and nurture yourself. Come back to yourself.
When we do that, it is almost like the relationship “fixes” itself!
We might think that we need to “work on” our relationships to make the other person behave and respond the way we want, but we can’t control the other person. We can only change our own energy and everyone else will adapt to our new way of being.
So, it means that your boyfriend is responding to your emotions and your energy. When you are pursuing creativity, self–love and independence, he will sense the inner shifts within you and adjust to you.
I see really good things happening for you, though! I see a lot of happiness and fulfillment and a sense of victory. 🙂
Please come back if you have any more questions. I hope this has helped you!
La la la!
Cupid Mail is my personal opinion and does not constitute professional advice.
Click here to Ask Cupid