Question: Oh la la coeurthecupid, how do you keep an emotional bond fresh when it’s reaching the 7 years where they change, especially when both of you are growing up in tough love, but your partner is the more affectionate one? Could you send a lovely arrow message back, xo, Tanahime, Alabama, USA, sent via Cupid’s Instagram
Hi hi, Tanahime! Thank you so much for asking your question. You all know how much I love to help everyone!
Okay…so before we get into a bit more personal suggestions for you, this is the first thing I wanna say: relationships don’t grow stale after the seven–year mark. It is a myth!
Yep, it is totally not true.
That’s because love doesn’t expire. Yes, love may deepen or transform over “time,” but it doesn’t start malfunctioning after seven years just because our cells turnover.
It’s not the time or cell turnover that causes relationships to change, anyway. It’s the partners themselves who may awaken to new perspectives or desires and it doesn’t matter how many years it has been.
So, to start, it would be a good thing to leave this myth behind because it may cause undue stress and anxiety for yourself. It may make people look for problems when there wasn’t one before or expect something bad will happen.
Now, on to you…
A personal angel message
Dear Little Tanahime, your partner wants to propose to you! But he’s feeling a bit shaky about taking that step. He needs some more confidence from you.
So, if this is something that you would like to happen, there is something you can do to encourage him to take this step. You can do or say something to show him that you feel confident about your feelings for him or for your relationship or for the future you have together. You don’t have to say it outright if you’re uncomfortable with that but you can suggest it. Maybe you can tell him that you love the way he loves you (if that is true for you). Or, you can tell him that you feel safe with him (if that is true for you).
For the masculine energy of the relationship (for other readers, the masculine energy is just energy! It doesn’t matter what that person’s sex is), that partner will want to make sure they can really take care of you and feel confident they can do a good job before taking things to a more serious level. So if that is an outcome that you desire, find out what makes him feel confident and then you can authentically nurture that. Some really sincere, heartfelt, and genuine compliments go a long way to help the masculine energy feel that they are on the right track and that they are making you happy.
But yes, marriage and a family are the potential here!
Keeping a relationship fresh
As for how to keep a connection new and fresh, do something that renews yourself! After all, a relationship is about people connecting with each other. If you are renewed, naturally the relationship renews itself, too.
Some humans have the idea that if they want to build intimacy or to keep things alive, they must make an effort or try really hard to keep the other person interested. Romantic gestures are really sweet indeed! But usually, these gestures and the effects are not long–lasting because it’s focused on the outside. That person would have to keep repeating these efforts, maybe even topping them, making the efforts bigger and bolder than the last, and the other person also has to stay engaged. And, one might begin to question or realize if the other person is interested because of actual love or if it’s because of getting lots of attention or fancy stuff.
So, yes…to keep a relationship fresh and alive, freshen up yourself! That way, you are bringing a newer, fresher you to the connection rather than working on the connection itself. If you change yourself, the connection naturally changes and you would be happier and more fulfilled for it. That’s because anything you do for yourself is to enrich your experience of life. Anything you do for the connection is more focused on an agenda, like hoping the other person stays or trying to freeze a relationship in place, hoping it never leaves our grasp.
So perhaps think about what you can do to feel renewed within yourself. For you, the answer is in nature. It could be as simple as taking walks under the sunshine or sitting in a gentle breeze. It could be letting ocean waves wash your feet. It could be talking to trees or admiring more flowers in your life. Or, it could be as involved as learning something you’ve always wanted to learn, or going somewhere you’ve always dreamed of, all to charge your spirit with endless amounts of inspiration and joy.
When you are living life in a fresher, dynamic, and more alive way, of course, that energy will come into your relationship. You will be bringing this expression to your connection and that in and of itself is what will freshen the relationship! Maybe your partner will feel more open toward you or become inspired by you to do something for themselves. When your energy changes, their energy changes, and the whole relationship changes. Relationships are all about energy!
Letting in love
As for your partner being the more affectionate one, that is wonderful! That is okay! It’s okay to have come from tough love and it’s okay to have only known tough love. Let your person love you. Let them be affectionate. Let yourself discover expressions of love that you haven’t experienced before. Let yourself be changed by what is being offered to you. If this affection makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s okay, too. Let it through anyway.
If you aren’t sure how to love your partner in a louder or more expressive way, or if they are feeling that you aren’t being more loving, you can just focus on being more present within yourself and present for your partner. Maybe experiment with how you can be more expressive in gentle, fun and creative ways, like singing or silly dancing or playing. Or maybe spend some time looking deeply into their eyes. Look into your own eyes. Nothing has to be said or done. Just looking into someone’s eyes already softens any walls that we may have built up and we melt into a genuine intimacy with them. Don’t be afraid to feel feelings.
These expressions help you to start flowing more of the energy that is held within you. Allow yourself to become curious about the new and brave and open world that’s out there when you simply feel love.
If you can’t feel love all the time, start by feeling it a little bit at a time. Then, try for a little bit longer next time. Work your way up and see just how much love you are willing to let in. If at first, you can only let it in a little bit for just a few seconds, that’s okay. Try again. Soon, maybe you can allow in love for a full minute. Then, maybe even for ten minutes. Keep going! Then, try staying open to love all the time, especially in the most difficult or scary moments. This is how we start to bring down the walls we’ve built up.
Perhaps start becoming more affectionate with yourself. Again, it doesn’t have to be fancy. Love is in the air, so the act of breathing with awareness is already an act of love! Let the sunshine kiss you! Let the trees hug you back. Let the air caress you and feed you. (the answers your soul is looking for are found in the outdoors and in nature.) We really don’t need another person to receive love. Love is in all your cells. It’s in the air we breathe. It lives on your skin. Be open to experiencing what you don’t yet know and you can treat it like an adventure.
Letting yourself receive is a vulnerable feeling. You can’t control what you are being offered and you may feel you don’t know if what you receive will hurt you. But just know that you can’t really be hurt. You are an Infinite Being! You are an Angel. Your heart can never be broken. It may remember memories that make you sad and fearful, but those are simply memories that can be gently washed away. Your heart and soul cannot be destroyed.
Remember that love isn’t about time. Love is about feeling. Feeling is the way home.
I hope this answers your question! Please come back and let us know how you get along. Cupid loves you! La la la!
Cupid Mail is my personal opinion and is never professional advice.