Question: Hi Cupid, What does true love feel like? How do I know if what I have is love? Thanks. —Ishaan, U.K., sent via Cupid Mail
Hi hi Ishaan! Thank you so much for asking your question. I know a lot of Cupid readers will be interested in this topic.
To answer your question, what true love feels like is really simple.
True love feels like quiet, peaceful bliss. 🙂
Like divine home.
Like resting within your own sacred heart.
But this bliss doesn’t just come from the other person.
But it’s not just during the “honeymoon” period. It stays this way!
And every part of you loves them, especially your soul.
Humans might be thinking that true love is like what we see in films and novels where feelings are very intense and come with a lot of drama and ultimatums. For sure, true love is very intense: it is intensely blissful!
For this reason, true love feels very still and calm and deep to the core. It’s not like those huge ups and downs we see in the theatre and it doesn’t drain people dry.
True love is very intimate and spiritual. When in true love, being with the other person feels like home and you can bare your whole soul to them, including your deepest, darkest secrets and fears.
The reason for this bliss is because each lover is not afraid of the other, not guarding against the other, not hiding pieces of themselves, not afraid of revealing themselves, and aren’t seeking to get anything from the other.
For that reason, true love is actually freedom!
It’s the freedom to totally be yourself one hundred percent of the time—mind, heart, body, and spirit.
It’s the freedom to say yes and the freedom to say no.
Have you ever said yes to someone even if you didn’t want to but you did because you were afraid of losing them?
In fact, this freedom is so free that if one of the partners decided to end the relationship or not even start one, it would still be blissful and peaceful for the other person.
That is because no one is emotionally dependent on the other, yet the love remains.
And the love each has for the other is so complete that it feels like god itself loving you!
A lot of humans experience conflict in their romantic relationships because they feel their partner isn’t able to treat them the way they wanna be treated.
So one must ask himself or herself, how do you wanna be loved and treated? And then go love yourself just like that first! After, you can decide if you want to have a partner who feels the same way about you as you feel about yourself.
Humans think that love has a lot to do with time: there’s love at first sight. There is the seven year itch. There is a honeymoon period. There is love grows over time.
But with love, time is not a factor. Love is an emotion and emotions don’t need time to be activated nor felt. There is no book that says after seven years of marriage, one will get bored and start looking for someone new. There’s also no book that says you will be smitten for the first two years then routine sets in and things will get stale.
With true love, it’s blissful. All the time! That’s because your bliss comes from you, not from them, and their bliss comes from them, not from you.
It doesn’t mean that true lovers don’t quarrel because they do. They get mad at each other just like everyone else. But they quickly go back to being blissful with themselves and with each other because to not exist that way feels really weird and uncomfortable and unnatural and awkward.
Be true to you!
Because it’s true love, your feelings also need to be true: to yourself and to your partner. Do you honestly love this person or do you think you should love them, or do you love the idea of them, or do you wish you love them (but not quite)?
Do you force yourself to feel what isn’t there and is there any part of you that is lying to yourself about how you feel about them? That is where to look to know if you feel true love.
True love kind of feels like hugging your favorite teddy bear or bunny. You never wanna let go and just want to super hug them and nurture them all the time. Love means we wanna grow and nurture what we care about so that it stays strong, protected, nourished and healthy.
But this growth isn’t about getting someone to commit to you, for example. This growth is spiritual, like growing your devotion to yourselves, to your passions and hobbies, and to life.
Being whole, together
True love is where the partner isn’t dependent on the other person for love or validation.
In the relationship itself, you might depend on each other to financially support one another, take care of each other, and promise to treat each other with kindness and respect.
And it’s okay for the relationship to have a structure. This is how you agree to make a life together.
But once someone starts to depend on the other person for love or approval, then the relationship becomes less free and less joyful. Would you want to be with someone who always expects something from you, even deep down?
Sometimes, humans will be attached to another person and think that because the need and desire for this person are so strong, it must be love. But attachment is not actually love.
When you’re attached to someone, it’s because the other person holds an aspect of yourself that you don’t want to carry for yourself. It could be love or validation or security.
So, for example, if you make the other person “hold” financial security for you and if that person left, that means you don’t feel secure anymore. To prevent that from happening, humans will try to hang on to this person so they never lose what they’re getting from the other person.
True love isn’t a transaction
True love has no strings attached. While you might really wanna come together with this other person, you know you don’t want to use them for anything, and you also know that you don’t want to be their source either. Because true love is not a transaction.
In some relationships, maybe the man will agree to give his partner a life of security as long as they keep their figure and meets his physical needs.
Or, maybe the woman will agree to give her partner children as long as they give her the title of being a Mrs.
All these expectations galore and pay to play!
These are business transactions, and it is okay for a relationship to be structured this way, but this we don’t call love.
I hope this helps you with what you’re looking for, Ishaan! If you are experiencing true love, that is really wonderful! And if not, that’s okay, too.
Soon I will not be using the term true love when I find a different word for it…because I don’t want anyone to feel bad about the relationships they’re knee–deep in. It does take a lot of self–reflection and spiritual strength to face the things hidden in the closet. And that’s okay. Baby steps!
For everyone still single…get to know your needs, wants, passions, and soul. Then once you have found enrichment within your own being, it will be a very rewarding and conscious experience to share your life with another.
La la la and may Earth be abundant with lovers in true love!
Cupid Mail is my personal opinion and is never professional advice.