Cupid, how does one fall in love in the first place, if there are no reasons [why we love someone]? — Question posted on Instagram
What a wonderful question! This came after my post on Instagram on why it is not a good idea to tell others WHY we love them.
Because love is unconditional, it doesn’t need to be explained with reasons. If people did nothing to earn your love, then they can’t do anything to lose your love. Even when they change. Or don’t change.
By telling someone why we love them, we immediately anchor them to this expectation that we might have of them. If we say we love them because they’re smart, kind, and beautiful, for example, then they may wonder if they will lose your love if one day they stop being smart, kind, and beautiful.
I said that Love can’t be lost, and Love doesn’t change when circumstances change. Love is constant and eternal, and that if it’s not unconditional, then it’s not Love.
The question being asked is, how does one fall in love if there are ‘no reasons’ to fall in love with someone?
To answer this question, let’s backtrack all the way to the beginning of time when your soul was created by Papa god and Mama goddess (a.k.a. The Universe). Papa god and Mama goddess created you in their likeness, and you are a tiny, tiny part of who they really are. You are a part of the Divine Source that is made of Love.
Love is an energy of nurturing, tenderness, and growth. When we love something, we want to see it nurtured and to grow and be happy. This is how The Universe feels about you since the beginning of time, and will be forevermore.
This exquisite Love energy is already present within you right now! You were born with it. Love lives inside your cells, your breath, your heart, your aura, and everything that is You. That is because you are a part of Divine Source, never separate! No matter what you feel and think about yourself, you are still, at the core, MADE OF LOVE.
There is nothing special you have to do to receive this Love. In a way, Love doesn’t need to be received because you are already made of Love. Love is all there is!
Others were born with this same Love, too. Everybody. There is not a single person on Earth who was created without this original Love. Even ‘evil’ people have Love inside.
When we came to Earth, we forgot what Love actually is, and started to assign different meanings to ‘love’. These different meanings are often full of fear and this label called ‘codependency’, which means, you are dependent on another person in order to feel loved or powerful. Rather than filling our own cup, we would need someone else to fill it for us.
When relationships are codependent (requiring people outside of ourselves), then ‘love’ turns into a completely different energy, one about exchange and transaction. In this sense, this isn’t ‘love’ at all.
When ‘love’ is transaction–based, it means we need the other person to fill our cup the way we want. We will want our partner to be attentive, loving, look a certain way, have a certain income level, etc. so that we feel safe or feel good about ourselves.
And in turn, we have to promise to do or be certain things too, to fill their cup. Maybe they might expect us to look a certain way, or promise to never overshadow them or be more powerful than them, or something.
The classic example of this is chasing after a trophy wife or a trophy husband. This trophy is wanted because of what they can provide to the other person (social status, a feeling of pride, or a certain lifestyle). This goes both ways because the trophy spouse has to work pretty hard to maintain his or her trophy status, too!
This can become destructive because we will be forever tied to that person — what they do and don’t do, and what we are willing to do or give up in order to get this cup filled. If they decide to change, then it will suddenly feel like they ‘broke their end of the deal’ in this relationship.
Here is something really to the point that I want to communicate gently: is that if a person needs reasons to love another person, then this person needs reasons to love himself or herself, too.
But the thing is, Love is already who you are. It isn’t about ‘deserving.’ You don’t need to ‘deserve’ others’ love, and others don’t need to ‘deserve’ your love.
In that sense, Love is like oxygen — it is freely available and abundant to all. There are not some people who ‘deserve’ oxygen, and other people who ‘deserve’ less oxygen. There are no circumstances where you should be getting more oxygen than others, or less than others.
So what’s the answer?
The answer is to simply feel the Love that is already within you. You don’t have to do anything special to Love yourself. Love is literally in the air you breathe — you can take deep breaths of Love and fill up yourself instantly! If you run your fingertips along your arms, you’ll also feel it respond with tingly sensations of Love as well.
If you Love without reason, then you experience utter freedom. You are free to love whoever you choose (even if they don’t love you back) and are free to receive love from whomever you choose. There isn’t a “you–scratch–my–back–I–scratch–yours” exchange. And be mindful — this energy exchange can be a very subtle undercurrent in the relationship!
Loving without reason also releases the pressure that you have to ‘perform’ to keep up this relationship, and takes the pressure off of the other person, too. The relationship would be filled with a sense of acceptance and peace. You are together because of Love, not because of what you can do or be for each other.
If we love because of reasons, in a way, we are using that person to fulfill our needs. It creates a lot of hidden agendas and tensions and is very performance–based. We might be judging our partner on how good of a partner he or she is based on what they have or haven’t done for us lately — and they’ll be judging us for the same.
It’s kind of like having friends — do we have friends because we simply feel Love within us and want to share life, or do we have friends so that they can do stuff for us, or make us more popular?
When you are connected to the Love energy that is present within you, you’ll feel this passion inside and out. It matters not whether others love you back because in this state of Love, you are so drunk in your passion for yourself that your cup is already overflowing. Whether someone loves you, or loves you not, it is a feeling of bliss and peace.
You’ll find that once you are connected to this Love, you will naturally fall in love with everything. And I mean everything! You will have a sense of compassion for fear–based situations or gently reflect empathically upon those who are in fear. It is really like wearing rose–colored glasses because this energy changes the way you feel about life and romance. Everything will seem beautiful and at peace just the way it is. You’ll make decisions that are based on Love and because of this, your whole life will be aligned to this positive energy.
As for whether you end up falling in love with another person, that will occur as a natural byproduct of the Love energy you already feel. You’ll find that you end up loving all people, and the person you fall in love with will be someone who helps you feel this inner state of affection extra intensely or uniquely than anyone else.
Love doesn’t need a reason — Love just is. When it comes to Loving yourself, the same applies. Release the expectations you have from yourself, and even if you’re not ‘perfect,’ Love yourself anyway — it’s who you already are.
La la la!